Scar

This exhibit will explore the interaction between the human spirit and the physical world and the marks left behind. Scars remind us where we have been, they do not have to dictate where we are going.

I hope you will enjoy these images that share people’s stories and explore their perspective and outlook on how they came to bear their scars.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share these 21 images.

: DONNIE “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” The words Donnie lives by come from one of his favorite Guns’N Roses songs. When I met Donnie he had just gotten out of jail…again. He had been sober for one day and was ready to take on the world. After a lengthy chat he agreed to allow me to photograph him the following day. He shared stories of sadness and self torture. Donnie explains “When I was eight years old I went away,” referring to the sexual abuse inflicted upon him. From then on he tells me he was always scared that everyone wanted to hurt him so he decided it was better to hurt them first. He spent the next 40 years in trouble with the law and living with drug and alcohol addictions. When his family had had enough and shut him out, he aimed a shotgun at his face and pulled the trigger. His self-inflicted scars remind him of his need to punish others in the hope they would feel his pain.

: JAKE On October 29, 2005, Jake’s life changed forever. He was three years old and sent off to bed with his brother. His mother told me Jake was a challenge to put to bed so her solution was to confine him in his room at bedtime with a gate. The boys went to bed with a lighter and the story gets a little confusing after that. Eventually, flames were shooting out of the roof and Jake’s older brother and sister alerted the adults of the fire. When firemen and paramedics arrived everyone was out of the house except for Jake. His mom said he wasn’t strong enough to open the gate so she ran back into the house. Everything was black with smoke; she scooped him up, ran down the stairs and out the door. One of the firemen explained to me that the extreme radiant heat had melted Jake’s skin from his body and it was feared he would not survive the trauma. In a five year span, Jake has undergone more than 30 surgeries with more to follow. Jake shared with me his favorite colour, candy, and subject in school.

: MIKE “Blading” is a wrestling term which refers to the choreographed act of cutting yourself or another person, usually on the forehead, with a blade hidden between the fingers or wrapped in a bandage. It is part of the spectacle of professional wrestling where the audience craves the sight of blood. As Mike, circles and paces inside the curtained area that separates him from the crowd, he knows he’s going to get hurt. Known in the professional wrestling circuit as “Kowboy”, he is aware that the crunch of the blade hitting his skull is only minutes away. He sees it before it happens, and is high from the adrenaline and the anticipation. In the ring, Kowboy controls the strings, a puppet master of the crowd’s emotions, guiding them from joy to hate and back. At the count of three it’s over, and an explosion from the audience tells him it was all worth it. Bloodied and sore, he wonders how long it will be before his addiction for pain and adoration consumes him again.

: JACQUES People come from all over to watch Jacques work and purchase his amazing woodwork. He is missing a finger, not as a result of practicing his craft, but from fixing his father’s roof in Arvida, Quebec many years ago. The accident occurred during a labour dispute which meant he had to go to three hospitals because the workers would not let him in. Eventually, the only way to get to an emergency ward was to be escorted by the police. His finger could not be saved. The scar reminds him of a promise never to live in Quebec again. He also tells me the whole episode eventually brought him to PEI where he has lived for 35 years, so he says “It wasn’t all bad.”

: ALLEN While Allen was working on a gravel trailer called a belly dump, the door on the bottom malfunctioned. The doors closed on his hand as he reached to move a misplaced roller. After a 9 1/2 hour surgery, doctors reattached his index finger and thumb. Four more surgeries were done over a three year period to try and repair nerve damage. Allen tells me he is in constant pain and gets frustrated trying to do the things we take for granted, little things like fastening buttons, zippers and trying to undo his wife’s bra strap. But his sense of humor is intact. He mentions the fact that he can’t play the piano and adds, “But I never could before.”

: BILL Bill was born in 1941 and spent several years in the navy as a radar technician. He told me one of the most exciting times for him during those years was his involvement in the Bay of Pigs. Upon his return to PEI, he began having problems with his circulation and was later diagnosed with vascular disease. Bill had his first leg removed in 1984 and the second one amputated in 1988. When we talked about his scars he told me of the low times in his life and the changes he went through adjusting to life in a chair. As he paused to put out his cigarette, he looked down at his legs and calmly stated that “57 years of smoking took my legs.” On June 15, 2010, Bill’s vascular system shut down for the last time.

: CHRISSY Loneliness, anger and fear are feelings that are released as soon as the razor cuts. Thrown into the system at age nine, Chrissy has never been in control of her life. Substance abuse became her way of coping, and self-mutilation was a way of regaining a sense of control. Chrissy has been through things we hope never to experience, including suicide attempts and months spent on the streets, but she says she is exactly where she needs to be at this point in her life. According to her, she is able to transform her emotional scars into physical ones. Chrissy states emphatically, “It’s my life and my story.”

: CLARY Clary has been living with schizophrenia since he was a teenager. A typical day begins with a visit to a clinic to receive his antipsychotic medication. When I met Clary in October he had just celebrated his 60th birthday so I bought him a cup of coffee and we spent some time chatting. The scar on his left cheek was from a stabbing incident 10 years earlier over borrowed cigarettes that were not paid back. I still see Clary every once in awhile. We exchange a few pleasantries and he reminds me that it’s his turn to buy the coffee. The last time I saw him we chatted again about the scar and I asked him what he thinks when he looks at it. He looked around, leaned in and whispered quietly “I never did get those damn smokes back.”

: MARLENE “Life is truly awesome, even in the worst of times the sun shines.” Marlene began her cancer journey with a diagnosis of breast cancer in 2002. In the span of six years the cancer returned three times. Sixty months ago, Marlene was told she had twenty-four months to live. Spending time with this amazing powerhouse I was overwhelmed by her positive energy. “Scars, she says, are her road tracks of a life lived and battles fought.” She currently teaches a dozen fitness classes a week and is clearly beating the odds! “Breathe, she told me, and live your life as if it was already 100 years later. So much time is wasted with the things that just don’t matter.” I feel honoured and proud to have been admitted into her life.

: ANNE “I went to the hospital last night” are words I am greeted with every time I see Anne. She talks to anyone that will give her a minute of their time. Anne doesn’t ask for money or favours, she just wants to tell you what is going on in her world. Anne’s brother told me she was “special’ and that her mind is that of a little girl. With 13 siblings looking out for her and offering her anything she needs, Anne is able to live alone. She is very guarded and this could be due to a sexual assault that resulted in a pregnancy and a son she had to give up for adoption. Some believe she needs to be under constant care. After several months, Anne finally agreed to have her picture taken. When I asked about the scars that mark her arms, she answered me in typical Anne fashion, “I might have to have surgery on my knee but I won’t let those horse doctors do it. Do you want a bubble gum?”

: ANDY “I would like to get to the hospital in one piece” Andy calmly mentioned to his wife as she ran every red light and stop sign. Earlier, Andy had smelled something burning in the house. Trying to locate its source, he reached up in a closet when melting polar fleece, which had been touching a lit light bulb and smoldering, dripped onto his forearm. Andy recalls it as a grim reminder of how close he and his wife came to losing their house and pets to a fire caused by a debatable structural design. I asked his wife about the scar, she laughed and said it was another one for his collection: “He is pretty accident prone.”

: RICHARD “Hank” was not overly popular in the neighbourhood. He was a pitbull rottweiler mix with a bad attitude and a dislike for everyone. Richard lived next door and when his soccer ball rolled into Hank’s territory, he went to get it. It would prove to be a mistake Richard would live with for the rest of his life. Richard’s father and Hank’s owner rushed him to the hospital. It has been two years since that dreadful day. Richard loves to go mud bogging, ride dirt bikes and four wheelers. He was not left with a fear of dogs but he is no longer able to smile due to the wound on his face. As I left his home one day, Richard looked over towards the neighbour’s home and blurted out as only a 15 year old would, “Hank don’t live there no more!”

: BLAINE As a result of larynx cancer that was treated but came back, Blaine was informed that to save his life his larynx had to be removed. He was sent home to prepare for the surgery and on the operation date, with his weight down to 105 lbs, the doctors ran additional tests and discovered cancer cells in his thyroid. He was sent home to mend, put on a feeding tube, and told he wouldn’t be eating solid food for three months. Blaine had other ideas and after three weeks he pulled out the tubes, jumped on his motorbike and headed for the nearest restaurant. His doctor told him that his will to get back on his bike may have saved his life. With three surgeries, chemo and radiation behind him, it was time to learn to talk again. Although texting and writing things down was easier, he eventually mastered communication with a voice box.

: CHRISTOPHER While enjoying a day at the beach with his family, Christopher decided to give skim boarding a try. Knowing from the beginning it was a bad idea, he threw caution to the wind and for a few seconds felt 15 again. When he put his right foot on the moving board, his left foot got stuck in the sand and he ended up rolling his ankle. He laid face down waiting for an ambulance that arrived two hours later. The doctor informed him that his ankle was dislocated and broken, requiring immediate surgery. When he thinks back to the incident, Christopher is reminded to “think twice before doing something stupid.” His surgical scar is a great way for him to tell his story and “make people sick when [he describes] the accident with sound effects.”

: KATIE June 14, 2009 was in Katie’s words, “A first date gone badly.” The car was travelling at a speed of 176 km per hour in a 90 km zone. It flipped and hit a culvert. Katie suffered a broken femur and ankle, she had four breaks in her back and neck, a fractured pelvis, her vocal cords were paralyzed, and she had a deep gash in her elbow from glass and metal. She spent three months in the hospital, wore a neck brace for another four months and spent the next year on crutches. Her date escaped injury. Katie tells me the scars on her body represent great obstacles she has overcome. She is thankful to be alive and is telling her story to others in the hope it will remind people to drive safely. Her scars are a part of her, and she says, “If I got ‘em, I flaunt ‘em.”

: ALAN Most people get their first scar in childhood. Alan managed to go 58 years without one. When he moved to Charlottetown in 2009, he sold his car and in the interest of “going green,” he made his bicycle his main source of transportation. In October of that year, a biking accident left him with multiple stitches, serious road rash, and a concussion. In 42 years, Alan estimates he’s driven cars almost two million kilometers and never got injured. He rode his bike less than a thousand kilometers and ended up scarred for life. When I asked him what his scar reminded him of, he responded simply “My scar is a reminder of my own stupidity…and the importance of a helmet.”

: KAREN “Don’t worry,” the doctors said “we’ll make the cut below the bikini line. No one will ever notice it.” Years later the scar is barely visible, but Karen knows it’s there. She will never be able to forget. It reminds her of the mother she will never be. Karen tells me how close she came, and the pain of losing two babies. The thoughts are with her every time she undresses or catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She goes through the daily grind without thinking about it and then wham! There it is.

: SUZANNE Playing sports was an everyday part of Suzanne’s life. She had been part of a team from a very young age. While playing college soccer, she suffered a very serious injury. Her scar is a result of the surgery to repair her knee ligaments. She still requires rehabilitation today. Suzanne tells me this scar is a constant reminder of the last day she ever played competitive sports.

: CHRIS The scars on Chris’s body are almost invisible to him today, and many of them have been covered by tattoos. Some of his marks are twenty-five years old. In his teens, he thought they were cool or tough looking. As Chris grew, his views changed and he began to feel embarrassed and ashamed of his tracks. Today, he sees them as a part of himself and admits that “sometimes [he] gets a kick out of people’s reactions.” Each scar represents a time and place or event in his life. His memories are not all nice, but recalling the situations that led him to scar himself has helped him deal with life today. Chris has a sensitive side and meeting him left me wondering which part of him would come out on top.

: LEIF Leif is a free-spirited thrill seeker who took his attraction to pain far enough to brand himself. He tells me his scar was “prepared” in Montreal in 2008, “with the same care as a perfect rib-eye: prime meat smothered in olive oil, cracked pepper and a pinch of salt, slapped on a white hot grill, ‘bleu s’il-vous-plait.’ The pain revives a sense of disillusion and reminds me of the human skin I’m in.”

: KELLY For thirty years, Kelly was the “fat girl” with the pretty face, great personality and big laugh. She had always promised herself she would never hit 300 lbs. The day the scales tipped 297 she made a decision that would forever alter the course of her life. With a great deal of internal and external motivation, intense daily workouts and a personal trainer, she was able to cut her weight in half. What Kelly didn’t realize was that after such a significant weight loss, she would be left with an abundance of excess skin. This led her to a lengthy process of plastic surgery. Kelly tells me she sees her scars as a reminder of where she was, how far she’s come, and of the need to continue on her journey towards a healthy lifestyle.